To Whom it Should Concern,
I am a Muslim, and yes, I am an extremist. I am extremely happy, extremely grateful, extremely stressed, extremely hopeful, extremely encouraging, extremely messy, extremely brave, and yet you still doubt my character. That is extremely hurtful.
It hurts extremely being stopped at an airport security area multiple times because I wear a hijab. It hurts extremely being looked at suspiciously. It hurts extremely being patted down and having security invade every part of my body. It hurts extremely being subjected to a private body screening after I have already been cleared twice. It hurts extremely to see you trying to ban my hijab — to strip away at my faith — just so you can be more comfortable. Then, it hurts extremely when you get offended and try to prove me wrong after I call out your Islamophobia.
It hurts extremely that I carry guilt over something that I was not responsible for. It hurts extremely having this heavy burden within my soul even though my religion was not responsible for that terrorist attack on the news. It hurts extremely to enter a room and feel compelled to prove that I am not a terrorist just because of a piece of cloth on my head. It hurts extremely having to constantly prove myself to you.
It hurts extremely that a middle school friend once asked me, “Don’t you worry that you look less of an American because you wear that?” It hurts extremely that my uncle told me to stop wearing my hijab for my safety. It hurts extremely that my parents told me to never voice my questioning of American politics in public. They were all asking me to compromise my beliefs, suppress who I am, and question my identity because they were worried about my safety. It hurts extremely to have to say no to them. All of this extreme hurt because of you.
You have questioned me enough at airports, schools, and neighborhoods, so now it’s my turn to ask you a few questions: How much does my hijab scare you? How much do I scare you? How much does my faith scare you? What exactly is making you hate and hurt me to the point that I have become scared of you? You have scared me since I stepped into this nation at 12 years old.
You have used words you don’t really understand, like hijab, jihad, and extremism. Hijab? It is more than a piece of cloth wrapped around my head to cover my hair. It is my belief, my identity. It completes me. Jihad? That means struggle. Yes, I struggle to bring peace and happiness into everyone’s lives. Yes, I struggle to have my voice heard at times. Yes, I struggle to clear away the prejudicial stereotypes from your minds. Extremism? It is simply the concept of being extreme. We possess some of the same extreme human qualities, with the sole difference that because of them, I am the only one extremely hurt.
I am hurt, but believe me when I say I am not trying to hurt you. You may find this statement ironic considering your misconception that as a Muslim, I am supposed to be the one doing the hurting. But I’d never wish the extreme hurt that I’ve felt upon anyone. The only good that’s come out of it is that it’s forced me to become stronger than anybody could have ever thought a Muslim hijabi could become. I will use this strength for good. I know that I will have to resist to exist in this society, but I am a Muslim, and I am going to own that. I am going to make space for myself here. I have faith in the current and future generations to bring about change so that hijabis will not be questioned about their identity at home and in public and that everyone, despite their race, religion, and sex, will live free of prejudice, of your prejudice.
You can be a part of this change, too — your prejudice does not have to be permanent. You have taken so many chances to search me, to find something that you have been so cravingly looking for. How about you give me a chance now to show you who I really am, to show that I am also tired of bloodshed, war, rape, and violence, and that my religion says that killing one person is like killing all of humanity. I bet then you will reconsider your views and your opinions of me. You will discover and be convinced that when you considered me a threat, I was praying five times a day for peace; and when you considered me violent, I was being of service to others; and when you considered me dangerous, I was singing happiness and prosperity into every person I encountered.
I urge you to try to understand me and learn about Islam. You’ll see then that my religion is not a political ideology. You’ll see that we are full of life and full of love. We, too, offer you condolences for all the lives lost and for all the families and friends hurt upon the actions of those who claim to be Muslim. Even though you have structured this consciousness of inferiority within me, making me feel frustrated that I doubt myself every day and feel convinced I am not good enough, I still don’t hate you, not even the slightest bit. I will never hate you because my religion instructs me to radiate love. We are all pieces of this world, and my peace is your peace.
With extreme compassion,
A Hijabi Muslim
