Bring Back the Pharaoh!

After thirty years of autocratic rule in Egypt, President Hosni Mubarak has yielded to the dictates of a democratic revolution. In living up to the political ideal held most sacred by Americans, the Egyptian people deserve our congratulations and well-wishes. But with Egypt’s fate unresolved, it is too early to discount bleaker possibilities: a military junta or an Islamic republic at the heart of the Arab world.
One matter is for sure: however much some worriers in the American foreign policy camp might miss the ‘stable’ days of Mubarak’s rule, its ship has sailed. According to Blake Hounshell of Foreign Policy, “the Pharaoh is dead.” However, in comparing deposed dictator Hosni Mubarak to the mighty Pharaohs of yore, foreign policy analysts are ignoring one important alternative for Egypt’s future governance.
Bring back the Pharaoh – scepter, headdress, fake beard, and all. Harking back to Egypt’s ancient glory days, the Pharaonic kingship would restore the confidence and national purpose of the Egyptian people. More, unlike a shaky democracy or an Islamic theocracy, the Pharaoh’s regime would be blessed by the gods in all of its endeavors. Most importantly, the Pharaoh would draw on time-honored solutions to Egypt’s economic, social, and diplomatic problems.
Fundamentally, the restoration of the Pharaoh will bolster the confidence of the disaffected Egyptian people. Twentieth-century Egypt has experienced but humiliation after humiliation – from British imperialism to Nasser’s irredentist failures, to Mubarak’s police state. Stability has been but a pipe dream. A Pharaonic government would be a nod to the 2,700-year period when Egypt led the world in culture while holding fast to a single, reliable political tradition.
In historical terms, the Pharaonic kingship is the most stable, effective form of government that Egypt has ever seen. Under such unforgettable Pharaohs as Khufu, Hatshepsut, and Ramesses the Great, Egypt flourished as a mecca of regional trade, architectural splendor, and artistic sophistication.
Drawing on a history of managed prosperity, the new Pharaoh would end the Mubarak-era breadlines through the tried-and-true Egyptian practice of investing in infrastructure: an ancient-inspired New Deal. Playing to the deep religiosity of the Egyptian people, the Pharaoh would commission the construction of new temples to Ra, Amen, and Isis up and down the Nile.
Though the past decade has seen giant statues of Middle Eastern leaders go out of vogue, the Pharaoh would follow in the footsteps of his predecessors – drafting massive labor teams to erect sandstone monuments in his likeness. More importantly, to the obscure delight of The Bangles, the Pharaoh would commission big, stylized frescoes of the Book of the Dead over Tahrir Square – reminding the world what it means to “Walk Like an Egyptian.”
Along with the Pharaoh would be restored the ancient Egyptian knowledge that the only way to “win the future” is with the blessing of the gods. The Pharaoh a personified god himself, Egypt would enjoy the good fortune of the gods for the first time in two millennia. Although most Egyptians today subscribe to either Sunni Islam or Orthodox Christianity, an overwhelming majority will reconsider the Nile-god Hapi when Egypt’s budget office posts record growth figures on the heels of a perfect Nile flood season.
Finally, bringing back the Pharaoh would assuage the world’s fears about the future of Egypt’s foreign policy. The ancient Pharaohs dominated a region that extends from the middle of modern-day Sudan to the fringes of southern Turkey. Mindful of this legacy, a modern-day Pharaoh would be sure to assert regional leadership and stand as a strong counterweight to the Shiite fundamentalists in Iran.
More immediately, American policymakers are rightly worried about whether a military or Islamic government in Egypt would respect its peace treaty with Israel. They can be sure that a Pharaonic government would: drawing on Biblical lessons, a Pharaoh would know to think twice before messing with the Israelites – lest Yahweh curse Egypt with locusts, hail, or a second coming of Mubarak.
As practitioners of democracy, however, we cannot pretend that a Pharaonic system would be perfect – or consistent, for that matter, with liberal ideals. Making his capital at Memphis or Thebes, the Pharaoh would probably be spatially out of touch with the masses of Cairo. An inordinate amount of budget expenditures would be allocated toward wrapping paper and embalming fluids. And since the establishment of a Jewish state, government projects might come to a halt for lack of slave labor.
But on balance, restoring the Pharaoh appears to be the least of many evils.  Perfected by historical trial-and-error, the Pharaonic way is a sophisticated political system geared toward results, a good afterlife, and national pride. And at the very least, it’s better than the Muslim Brotherhood.