Don’t H8: The Tone of the Gay Rights Movement Needs to Change

I have a confession to make.  I hate the new FCK H8 campaign circulating on the internet right now.  If you haven’t seen it (I mean, click the link, it’s right there), it’s a two-minute video publicizing a campaign including t-shirt sales in order to raise funds for the fight for gay marriage rights.  It’s well produced, well designed, and passionately presented.  It’s also vulgar, rude, borderline offensive, and purposefully combative.  But it’s just a two-minute video and some t-shirts; no big deal, right?
Wrong.
Here’s confession number two.  I don’t hate the FCK H8 campaign because I “hate gay love.”  I hate the FCK H8 campaign because it is the most recent manifestation of a fundamental flaw in the gay rights movement.
No one will argue the fact that gay rights have made great strides in this country in the past decade, but—to be honest—they’re not where they should be, and it’s because the gay rights movement is doing something fundamentally wrong.  Obviously there are numerous other reasons too, but this one the gay community can control:
The gay rights movement is preoccupied with the ideas of pride and awareness.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not knocking pride.  By all means, be proud.  But at the end of the day, this isn’t about pride, and it isn’t about awareness, it’s about rights.
I’m from Chicago, host of the 2006 Gay Games, an event with the admirable goal of “fostering and augmenting the self-respect of lesbians and gay men” and “engendering, respect and understanding from the nongay world.”  I didn’t attend the actual event, but I did witness one of the “pride parades” associated with it.  It was a lascivious affair, characterized by scantily dressed revelers of all genders and proclivities, boisterous music, and boas.  Lots and lots of boas.
I’m sorry, but parading down the street in tights and bright pink boas isn’t helping anything or anyone.  The gay community needs to mount a serious political movement to further gay rights.  It’s not about showing how different and present you are.  Everybody knows you’re present, and you’re different by definition.  This fight, this movement, is about showing that you’re the same.  It’s about showing that you’re people, not caricatures.  It’s about showing that you can’t have your privacy grossly invaded and the value of your life put into doubt.  It’s about showing that you deserve to be respected.
I’m not saying you need to change who you are as a gay person or a gay community.  But don’t make FCK H8 t-shirts and make out in publicly distributed videos to freak out conservative straight people.  Because ultimately all you’re doing is turning moderate straight people off to your cause.  Sure, have demonstrations.  But don’t be manic about it.  Make it clear that you deserve the same rights as everyone else, by emphasizing your similarities to everyone else.  Show that you’re good parents, good business owners, good employees, good citizens.  Show that you can handle responsibility, and are therefore deserving of rights.
You want to make a campaign centered on viral online videos?  Here’s an idea.  Make a series of video profiles of gay people who have done or are doing cool stuff.  These don’t have to be celebrities or earth shatteringly impressive people.  Just normal, admirable, everyday people.  You don’t even have to mention that they’re gay until the end of the video; just make a nice profile and then have the person look at the camera and say, “I’m gay.  And I would like my rights please.”
That campaign wouldn’t be offensive, it would be powerful.  It wouldn’t be crass and include young children dropping the F-bomb.  And, most importantly, it might be effective.  The women’s rights movement only truly took off when it came to be viewed as reasonable, legitimate, and – put bluntly—not scary.  Yelling at opponents of gay marriage isn’t going to get them to change their minds.  Gay teens have received a massive outpouring of support following the recent tragic cases of gay youth suicide.  To squander the sympathetic sentiment of the moment by being belligerent and combative would be a mistake.
Should gay individuals be able to parade provocatively down the streets of major cities?  Of course.  Should they be able to make out and yell at opponents in viral videos?  Sure.  Are those smart political moves?  Probably not.
Bottom line: don’t fight hate with hate.  It won’t work, and it’s counterproductive.  If you’re fighting for love, use love.  Let the haters hate.
photo credit: http://fckh8.myshopify.com/collections/frontpage/products/copy-of-shopify-t-shirt
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*In related news, there are some interesting legal arguments being floated this week in the fight over California’s Proposition 8, which the video attacks and references with the 8 in H8.