“You’d be prettier if you smiled.”
I might have expected this comment from an older man back in my Southern hometown. However, I was taken aback hearing it at Harvard, arguably one of the most liberal institutions in the country. In that moment, I’m not sure what I was particularly thinking about — maybe my family, maybe schoolwork, or maybe I was just daydreaming. But one thing was for certain: I was not thinking about how my appearance might be perceived by other people.
As I walk down the street on my day-to-day, I don’t think about my image. My goal isn’t to look pretty — it’s to get from Point A to Point B.
Still, don’t get me wrong. I want others to feel comfortable when they’re around me, and I definitely believe in the positive power of a smile to transform someone’s day for the better. Although, I’d argue that the perception of my beauty has nothing to do with anyone else’s comfortability.
It got me thinking — what inspired him to say this? Was he just trying to cheer me up? Regardless of his intentions, it rubbed me the wrong way. I imagine this man was not trying to be malicious or disrespectful, but I also don’t think that he knew just how much his words would affect me.
Scientifically speaking, smiling has a positive impact on mental health, even if you force it. Smiles spur the release of dopamine and serotonin within the brain, chemical reactions that lower levels of stress and increase feelings of happiness. However, his comment still wasn’t appropriate, even if it was intended to make me feel happier. Comments of this nature are rooted in a sexist power dynamic, and asking women to smile discreetly reinforces the patriarchy. Patriarchy is defined as a “social system in which power is held by men.” American history is highly representative of this phenomenon. For centuries, men have tried to control women. At first, it was prohibiting women from owning land, followed by barring women from voting, and now, the patriarchy manifests itself through limiting access to reproductive healthcare.
In the context of these more significant issues, this arguably insignificant comment struck a nerve. Just because men have historically been awarded power doesn’t mean that they have the authority to criticize our appearances and actions. Unsurprisingly, that man’s comment wasn’t the first time I was told to smile, and my experiences are not isolated instances. After Hillary Clinton’s primary victories in 2016, Joe Scarborough tweeted at her, “Smile. You just had a big night.”
In the political sphere, men often comment on female appearances. Tucker Carlson compared Nancy Pelosi to Michael Jackson in a low-blow regarding her physical image. Donald Trump insulted Carly Fiorina, a 2016 Presidential candidate, declaring, “look at that face. Would anybody vote for that?” Comparatively, mens’ physical characteristics are critiqued substantially less. My male peers aren’t frequently told, “you’d be more handsome if you smiled.”
Although it’s clear that, regardless of gender, public officials are lightning rods for judgment and criticism, compared to their male counterparts, female figures have to unfairly deal with the additional scrutiny of their physical appearances. Oftentimes, digs made toward female politicians are directed at their physical appearances rather than toward the quality of their policies or decision-making abilities. The degradation of female officials, and women more generally, is harmful, not only on an individual level, but on a societal one as well. If we don’t universally establish the understanding that men shouldn’t vocally criticize women’s bodies, the devaluation of women within our society will persist.
When gender-based discrimination is embedded into culture, it becomes a more difficult obstacle for women to tackle. While technically illegal under Title VII, discrimination in the workplace is still a reality for many women, and it disproportionately affects women of color and those within the LGBTQ+ community. 48% of women say that they have experienced unwelcome sexual advances or verbal harassment at work, and that more than two-thirds of Americans acknowledge that sexual harassment occurs in most workplaces. These experiences and remarks are nothing short of traumatizing.
In terms of productivity, the perception of female beauty is simply a waste of time. Over a lifetime, women, on average, will individually allocate 3,276 hours to grooming, while men only devote 1,092 hours. This means that women spend three times as long as men on their physical appearance. While many women, including myself, mostly dress for personal satisfaction, I’m sure I’d waste significantly less time on my appearance if it wasn’t getting overanalyzed and critiqued regularly. Ultimately, with all this lost time, I’m led to wonder what discoveries could have been made, but weren’t, and what could have been done, but wasn’t.
Commenting on female attractiveness is inherently demeaning, especially when unsolicited. Whether it’s expressing unnecessary concern about someone’s body or what’s on someone’s body, needless remarks can be unsettling, even without malintent. So please, don’t ask me to smile — I’m not going to change myself for your satisfaction. This Women’s History Month, and from here on out, if anyone tells me that a smile would make me prettier, I’ll promptly tell them to mind their own business. If I wanted your opinion, I would’ve asked.
The original artwork for this article was created by Harvard College student Duncan Glew for the exclusive use of the HPR.
