Ross Douthat's Phony Moderateness

Ross Douthat says “Let’s Make a Deal” on health care reform. Analyzing some choice quotes will illustrate his faux-centrism and tendency towards false equivalence.
“The Republicans are convinced they’re inches away from killing off a fundamentally misguided piece of legislation.” No, they’re convinced they’re about to kill Barack Obama’s presidency. Stopping health care reform is a secondary benefit at best.

“For Republicans, [bipartisanship] means doing only those things that legislators of both parties can agree on.” Yes, but is that a reasonable definition of bipartisanship? Or is that a different way of saying, nothing gets done unless it’s tax cuts for the rich?
“The right seeks a functioning marketplace in health care, subsidized but not micromanaged by the government.” Really? What does this even mean? Please, anybody?
“Republicans keep insisting they share the goals of reform, they just want a more incremental and less polarizing approach.” This makes no sense. It completely neglects the fact that Republicans are free agents with the power to will things in the world. The Democrats’ approach is only “polarizing” because Republicans have decided to say no to everything and treat moderate, compromise[d] legislation as “polarizing.”
“Democrats would need to put the overall structure of the bill up for debate, instead of just offering concessions around the edges.” This is the biggest knee-slapper of them all. Memo to Ross: The Democrats already passed this bill. If they had any courage or sense whatsoever, it would be on the president’s desk by now. But they don’t, so yes, they’re offering concessions around the edges. And Republicans should be grateful. I don’t recall any major concessions made to Democrats when Republicans had a much smaller legislative majority during the Bush years.
“This would reduce both the weight of regulation and the bill’s overall price tag, freeing up money for immediate deficit reduction.” First, deficit reduction is a crazy goal in the middle of a major recession. Second, the Democrats’ plan is deficit-neutral. Third, citing “regulation” and “price tag,” as if these are self-evidently bad things, as if it’s impossible for regulation to be worthwhile and price tags to be well spent, is vacuous and absurd.
“One could imagine Republicans taking Anderson’s ‘small bill’ into negotiations….” No, one couldn’t. Republicans don’t support covering 10 million Americans. If they did, why wouldn’t they support covering 30 million Americans? Why wouldn’t they support covering a few million more children under S-CHIP? They are the party of no, and will be until self-appointedly reasonable conservatives like Douthat start to actually push them… instead of defending them with false equivalences and phony centrist compromises.
Image source is a screen shot image hosted on the BloggingHeads.tv site of a video podcast. Site specifically allows for image reuse.